Crossed Wires
by Twilight Fang
Summary: Kermit is having a bad day, which only gets worse after his strange encounter with Caine.What is really going on? [Slash implied: Peter x Kermit, other]


**Title: Crossed Wires**

**Author: Twilight Fang**

**This fanfic is slash suggestive. Please do not read if you don****'t like slash, or if you have no idea of what it is.**

**Please leave feedback if you have a few spare minutes. Thanks!**

* * *

Each and every year, around the holiday season, Kermit gave into a sea of depression. He didn't know why his emotions hadn't frozen up along with the snow-paved roads and skyscrapers dripping icicles. They really had no reason for continuing to exist in a man that was clueless as to their purpose.

Love?

Who needed love?

Christmas?

Who needed Christmas?

Kermit honestly believed that everything in the world happened for a reason, and he was destined to remain companionless because of a cruel punishment that had probably been carried over from a previous life.

On second thought… Kermit didn't believe in reincarnation. And so, his explanation for why fate backhanded him on every curve of his existence fell through another gaping hole in the ground. Maybe it was just a random streak of bad luck that refused to go away.

Whatever the case may be, one thing was for sure, Kermit would be spending another Christmas in front of his computer – alone.

"Kermit, what a pleasant surprise!" Kwai Chang Caine announced as he entered the dojo from the stairs that led up to his living quarters. He hadn't scheduled any kung fu classes so that his morning would be free for a peaceful walk in the newly fallen snow. He was dressed in his usual attire; earthy colored slacks, brown boots and a matching coat made out of the pelt of some unidentifiable animal, with the remaining material slung over his shoulder in the form of a bag. Caine had seen to it that none of the animal went to waste so that its sacrifice would not be in vain. That was just the kind of person Caine was – a man in harmony with the earth. A spiritual man.

"Really?" Kermit raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "You mean that you didn't know I would be coming to see you?" Usually, nothing escaped Caine's attention, whether it was foreseen or not.

"Does this bother you?" Caine asked as he secured his shoulder-length gray hair in a ponytail.

"No… not really." Kermit met Caine halfway across the darkened dojo. All of the blinds were drawn and no candles were lit; it felt like nighttime inside Caine's abode where time held very little meaning.

"You are… troubled?"

That hadn't taken long at all. Not even five minutes in the door and Caine already had his senses set at maximum sensitivity.

"Troubled? That's such a strong word," Kermit scoffed, rearranging his scarf to keep out the chill of Caine's poorly heated dojo. Later, he would need to remind Peter to chip in with the heating bill to deter Caine from subjecting his guests to a frigid environment.

"But you are here because you seek help?" Caine regarded Kermit with his dark, probing eyes, going on instinct alone because of his inability to see Kermit's eyes. He could judge a person's attitude and emotional state based solely on his or her facial expressions and body language, but the eyes were the only true window into the soul.

"Actually, I don't know why I'm here." Kermit moved away from Caine to pace around the room, picking up one artifact after another. The Chinese culture had always captivated him, as did the mysterious power that Shaolin monks seemed to possess. Or perhaps Caine was a rarity and not all Shaolin monks had similar, magical capabilities when it came to bending the laws of physics – among other things.

"And yet… you are here."

"Uh… right."

Caine followed Kermit to the table of candles where he'd stopped moving, lighting them with a flick of his wrist. When Kermit looked startled, Caine shrugged by way of an apology.

"I thought that you could use the warmth."

"How did you--? Never mind." He should know better by now than to ask how Caine knew what he was thinking and feeling.

While Kermit watched the candles' flames dancing to and fro, Caine placed a hand on the younger man's arm, turning him around. "You question your future." That statement made Kermit uncomfortable, as did the hand that moved to his face. "You are unsure of your… worth."

"Something like that," Kermit admitted quietly.

Caine tenderly stroked Kermit's cheek, unable to perceive the frightened look in the brown eyes that stared at him from behind a green pair of shaded glasses. "There is no need for these kinds of thoughts, Kermit. You are far more attractive than you give yourself credit for."

Kermit opened his mouth to speak but no words came to mind.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The one who loves you does not care about the scars… or your jaded past… all he sees is the wonderful person that you are. He will embrace you and all of your flaws… so that you may be whole again."

"He?" Was this for real? Was he really having a conversation about gay relationships with Peter Caine's father?

"Yes. When you are ready, he will come to you." Caine's hand lingered over Kermit's face before he pulled back. He then studied Kermit for a moment, hoping that he had been successful in consoling his son's friend. "You've grown your hair in again?" Sure enough, Kermit's dark wavy tresses hung past his shoulders, making him appear very un-mercenary like. "This look is preferable to that… other hairstyle."

"Oh, you mean the accident my barber had with the razor." Kermit nervously laughed. "I asked for a quick cut last year and he somehow figured that I meant for the army. That's why trust is so precious between a man and his barber."

Caine brushed off the sarcasm to touch Kermit's arm again. "If you are still doubtful of your appeal later on, come back to visit me tonight and we shall… talk."

Visit Caine at night to talk? Kermit backed away so that Caine's hand fell off his arm but the priest took no offense. He smiled at Kermit and headed for the door. Perhaps he had succeeded in paving the path for his son to finally get together with Kermit – romantically.

"I will see you later, Kermit."

"Yeah. Later."

As soon as Caine was out the door, Kermit exhaled the breath that he'd been holding in. Holy shit! Had Caine been coming onto him? He'd called Kermit attractive, commented on his hairstyle, and even went so far as to promise that Kermit would have a male lover very soon. Hell! He'd solicited Kermit's company for later on that very same night!

This was not good.

Very bad indeed!

Kermit rushed out the door, hopped into his Corvair and headed for the precinct.

**xxxx**

Inside the precinct, Kermit found Peter reading a nasty looking man his rights. He waited until the man had been towed away in handcuffs before pulling his friend aside.

"Kermit, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Kermit closed his office door and pulled down the blind to share his concerns with Peter… only to discover that he couldn't quite get his voice to work.

"Hey, are you alright? I think that you'd better sit down." Peter forced Kermit down into the leather chair and made himself comfortable on the edge of the desk.

"I'm just a little bit… confused."

"At this time of year, everyone's confused." Peter grinned when Kermit animatedly dug into his desk drawer for a handful of candies that would boost his sugar level and steady him. "People are frantically searching for Christmas presents, road rage is at an all-time high, burglars are on the prowl, Santa Clauses just aren't as friendly as they used to be… It's nearly Christmas, Kermit. Your confusion is highly justified."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's not?"

"No."

"Then what?"

Kermit frowned, strumming his fingertips on the arm of the chair before replying. "I'm interested in learning kung fu," he blurted out suddenly, "and I want your father to teach me." There! Now he could carefully bring up the subject without alarming Peter or offending him.

"You want to learn kung fu," Peter repeated thoughtfully. "But there's nothing wrong with your fighting techniques. You're pretty good at martial arts for someone who has never taken any legitimate lessons."

"That's true, but I want to learn more."

"About…?"

"The spiritual side of kung fu… how to access my chi… the yin and yang… You name it, I want to learn it."

"Sounds like you want to know the meaning of life," Peter joked.

"I'm serious, Peter."

"Why are you telling me this? If you want my father to teach you, it's him that you should be asking."

"I just… I want to know a bit more about him before I make any decisions."

Kermit's evasiveness was making Peter very suspicious but he decided not to say so because he didn't want to put his friend on the spot. "What do you want to know?"

"He usually dates women, right?"

Peter tensed where he was seated, feeling the sudden urge to yank Kermit's glasses off and ask him what he'd been smoking. "What kind of question is that?"

"I'm just wondering if priests are allowed to date," Kermit quickly answered.

"Oh, in that case, yes they are. But I haven't seen my father with any women lately, not that I'd want to think about anything like that. He's gone out with Mary-Margaret a couple of times… and he _did_ marry my mother. So being a Shaolin priest hasn't restricted his sexual life any. Aww crap, did I just say that?" Peter shivered. "I do _not_ want to think of my father in that light."

"He's entitled to sex too, Peter."

"Where are we going with this?"

"Just curious."

"Are there anymore questions?" Not that he'd want to answer them if they involved his father and sex.

"What does your father think of same-sex relationships?"

Peter's eyes grew wider as a revelation hit him. "Why?"

"You said that you'd answer my questions."

"He's very open-minded and accepting. Kermit, what the hell does this have to do with you learning martial arts?"

"It's complicated." Kermit got up to open his office door, indicating that it was time for Peter to leave. "Thanks for the information. I owe you one."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. I'm going to see your father tonight so I can ask the rest of my questions then."

"Hold on a minute!" Peter wrenched the door from Kermit's grip and shut it again, backing his friend into it once it was closed. "You're not getting off that easy. Tell me why you want to see my father… and try the truth this time. I don't buy all that bullshit about you wanting to make friends with your chi."

"Dammit Peter, I don't want to upset you!"

This was getting them nowhere. In order to manipulate Kermit, he'd have to play by the rules, and that meant threats. "Fine. If you don't tell me what this is all about, I'll just let my father know that you've taken up a sudden interest in his sex life. _That_ ought to convince him that teaching you kung fu is a good idea."

"N—no! There's no need to do that." Kermit glanced at the strong arms that had him pinned to the door and then up into Peter's hostile face. He didn't want to do or say anything to hurt Peter, not if he could help it. He would go to Caine tonight, make sure that he hadn't misunderstood, and then set the priest straight about his preference in younger men…mainly Peter. "I'll tell you."

"Good." Still, Peter refused to back off until he was told everything minus any tricks Kermit might pull to get out of keeping his word. "So talk."

"Okay. There's this… _person_ that I think might have the wrong idea about our relationship."

"Who? What relationship?"

"An older man!" Kermit regretted raising his voice but couldn't deny the satisfaction at seeing Peter unravel upon hearing that. "This older man… I've known him for a while now… and I consider him to be a friend. I respect him. But I think that he's been coming onto me lately and might have propositioned me earlier on."

"No wonder you need to see my father," Peter sighed. "You've gotten yourself into a big mess this time, Kermit. Can't you just tell him that you're into women?"

Kermit shook his head. "I can't lie."

"You can't…what?" Now Kermit had Peter's full attention. He leaned in closer, reaching for the green glasses only to have his wrist seized and arm held at bay. "You mean you're not straight?"

"How more obvious do you need me to be, Peter? I haven't been on a date in years, not since I realized my attraction to men."

Very slowly, Peter touched Kermit's cheek in a gentle caress, making the ex-mercenary think that compassion was probably a natural Caine trait. "You must really be exhausted to be throwing away your closely guarded secrets."

"Fed up is more like it."

"So, if you're into men, what's the problem?"

"He's too old and it's a conflict of interests. I had my heart set on only one man and he's not it."

"I understand."

"You do?"

Peter smiled as he backed away from Kermit, letting him cautiously return to his desk. "I know that this is an uncomfortable subject for you… but we'll deal with it together. Meet me at my place tonight so that we can discuss _this_." But having a discussion was the last thing on Peter's mind. He was beginning to think of much more entertaining things he could do with Kermit in his apartment.

"What about your father?"

"I'm going to visit him this afternoon so I'll let him know you won't have time to see him tonight. Until then, don't worry so much. Us cops have enough on our minds without having to worry about dating old men." Peter winked, leaving Kermit in the office to dwell on what had transpired between them.

"If you only knew," Kermit murmured to himself.

**xxxx**

"Strenlich!" Peter pounded on the chief's office door, letting himself in before Strenlich could reply.

"Peter, what the hell do you want? I'm in the middle of something." Strenlich had a report in one hand and a pen in the other, underlining whatever he found useful.

"I have to talk with you."

"About?"

"It's private."

The burly man glared at Peter from behind his desk, already put off by the younger officer's attitude. "So close the door."

Once the door was closed, Peter wasted no time in getting to the point. "I can't think of any other way to put this so I'll just come out and say it."

"Good. I hate it when you're polite and subtle," Strenlich said sarcastically.

"You have a wife and kids. They should be given the utmost importance in your life. If you continue on this path, you'll lose a very good friend as well as your wife."

All Strenlich could do was gape at Peter in wonder.

"You're not a young man anymore so you can't expect to relate to Kermit on that level. He doesn't want to say this himself because he's afraid of hurting your feelings but he's very uncomfortable with where this is heading. This has to stop."

Stenlich held up his hands for Peter to end his tirade, still looking at him as if he had horns growing out of his head. "Caine, sometimes you amaze me. I don't know how you knew… Actually, I appreciate that you took the time to talk to me like this… without going to my wife."

"It's the least I could do."

"I suppose that it's time I came to terms with my age and spent more time with my family, the ones that matter the most to me. I won't see Kermit for _those_ reasons again."

"Thank you, Chief."

"No, thank you, Peter. I didn't know that Kermit was even aware of my intentions."

"No harm was done so let's just forget about it." Peter gave Strenlich a mock salute and exited the office feeling as if he'd just accomplished something great.

The door closed again and Strenlich scratched at his baldhead, baffled as to why Kermit would choose to go through Peter instead of confronting him personally. Sure, Strenlich had been using Kermit as a scapegoat to avoid his wife on Friday and Saturday nights but he'd thought that the poker games had been mutually beneficial. It wasn't like Kermit had anything better to do with his evenings off. However, if Peter had said that Kermit was uncomfortable with him discarding his family duties then it must be so. He wasn't getting any younger and maybe Kermit did have very little in common with him because of their age and background difference.

"When you fall in love with a woman that screams like a banshee, I'll make sure that I send you home to her every night too," he vowed, silently cursing Kermit for being so perceptive.

**The End**


End file.
